the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
