fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Randomize
