Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
