When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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