I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
