I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
