NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
