Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
