Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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