she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
