I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
