I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
