In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
