Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
the liver wants what the liver wants
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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