I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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