I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
