He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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