I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
