I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
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