so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Randomize
