captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
