i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
