I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
