The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Two words: blizzard sex
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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