I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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