I faked an abortion last night.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
