Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
