What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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