1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
