This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize