Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
