Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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