my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
