I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you traded sex for a burrito?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
