Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
