Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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