He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
