is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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