Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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