It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
where are my eyebrows?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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