she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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