We're like a lot better than the average bears
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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