her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
