standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I didn't notice because vodka
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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