thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
