Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
