It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
