Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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