OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
