he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
