I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
