You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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