I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
