I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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