Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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