I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
