I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
