i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize