um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
