if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
