How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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