i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
