just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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