Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Found the puke drawer
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
