I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
