so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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