Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize