Yo dont text me then not text me
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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