just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Randomize
